SCOTUS has Decided Every Important Criminal Law Issue

This wikilog article is a draft, it was not published yet.

by: Ryan • April 29, 2014 • no comments

The United States Supreme Court announced yesterday that because it has resolved every criminal law issue with broad impact on society, it now has the time to focus on incredibly small and narrow legal issues that might otherwise seem trivial if there still existed big questions needing resolution.

Well, it didn't say that explicitly. It was implicit when the court granted review yesterday to a case with the following question presented:

Whether Mr. Yates was deprived of fair notice that destruction of fish would fall within the purview of 18 U.S.C. § 1519, which makes it a crime for anyone who “knowingly alters, destroys, mutilates, conceals, covers up, falsifies, or makes a false entry in any record, document, or tangible object” with the intent to impede or obstruct an investigation, where the term “tangible object” is ambiguous and undefined in the statute, and unlike the nouns accompanying “tangible object” in section 1519, possesses no record-keeping, documentary, or informational content or purpose.

I'm sure the case is important to Mr. Yates. And maybe the case will make a broad and important rule regarding fair notice. And in doing so, the court will have something big and important to say about the overfederalization of crimes or even just the overcriminalization of life. In which case, I will duly apologize for mocking the court.